Greetings, Earth brothers. (ack!) I was recently called on the carpet by that sniveling old queen, our "fearless" Ruler, who informed me that I have been "culturally insensitive" when it comes to expressing to you stupid humans just how stupid you are. It seems he is now a flaming liberal, in addition to being a flaming you-know-what. Keeps talking shit about "winning the hearts and minds" of your people, when in fact the only thing you respond to is shock, awe, and walking dead fat policemen. But, be that as it may, it behooves me to obey his dictates, as he is the one who signs my paychecks. I'd love to tell him where to stick it, but two things prevent me: a.) He'd probably like the idea, and b.) where the hell is a white, middle-aged spaceman going to find work after he's been blackballed by the Ruler of the whole fucking Universe? I could tell him to kiss my ass, but see a.) above.
So. Fine. Whatever. Here's a story for you, about an Earthman, whose intellectual limitations are certainly not an issue, because he is one of my Cosmic Brothers and I lov... I lo... That is to say, I can... maybe tolerate him. Sort of. Anyhow, this paragon somehow gets lucky and ends up not fucking up a situation beyond all hope of repair. For once. By some miracle. Oh, let's give the little darling a fucking Galactic Peace Prize! Ain't it just to die for? So lap it up, shitheads... I mean, fellow humanoids, equal in every way to me and my...
FUCK IT! I CAN'T DO THIS! I QUIT!
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?
It's fucking stupid, that's what.
Just like Earth people. :-P