Monday, December 21, 2009

Eros' Stupid Everybody Theater

Greetings, terrestrial assholes! It's me, Eros, your great friend and admirer... NOT! I have been browsing my archives and found something I simply could not believe. Here is a story about a creature that is actually more stupid than a stupid human! Of course, this blockhead is a native of your backward, idiotic world, which certainly explains a lot. Wait 'til you see how easily this dunderheaded dipshit is defeated! What a laugh! What a maroon!
I want to ask you NOT to click on the pages to enlarge them; Instead, squint really hard and strain your beady little earthling eyes until they turn red and fall out! After all, you're HUMAN, which means you're so STUPID you don't even NEED any eyes! You'll be better off without them. Visual stimulus only serves to confuse your badly-wired excuses for brains.

Eros, the terrestriophobic spaceman, first achieved intergalactic fame in the legendary film "Plan Nine From Outer Space," written and directed by the also legendary Ed Wood. "Plan Nine" is NOT the worst movie ever made-- nobody who is familiar with Kevin Costner believes that-- but it's probably the most inept. In a good way.
Eros is currently taking some time off from his grueling schedule overseeing the preparations for Plan 10, which he assures me will, in his own words, "eradicate for all time every trace, down to the last accursed DNA molecule, of the noxious blight that is the filthy, stupid human race." (Eros isn't really much of a "people person," but he has a great command of the language.) However, for reasons that I'm sure are obscure even to him, he has agreed to occasionally play host here in the Crypt, and we are lucky to have him.

-- Chuck

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