101 Damnations of Halloween Incontinent

31 Days of Helly Homoween Corntinue.....

CRISWELL'S HAUNTED HISTORY'S MYSTERIES OUIJA SEANCE CHAMBER

"Criswell here! I'm gonna do you a BIG favor and not even pretend that this here is anything other than a lame effort to recycle some shit from a different blog. I was gonna go into this whole big routine about summoning spirits and learning the truth behind some of history's greatest conundrums, but quite frankly, I don't feel like fucking with it. It's Friday, I'm tired, I have better things to do. If you don't, poor thing, then read on..."


Kommandant Oberst Wilhelm Klink
(1891-1946)

Kommandant Oberst (Colonel) Wilhelm Klink was a German Luftwaffe (Air Corps) officer of aristocratic (Junker) Prussian descent. He was born in Leipzig in 1891, though he referred to Düsseldorf, where he attended the Gymnasium, as his home town. After failing exams to study law and medicine, he received an appointment from Kaiser Wilhelm II to a military academy, through the influence of his uncle, the Bürgermeister's barber, and graduated 95th in his class.

A veteran aviator of the First World War, Klink served as commandant of the German prisoner-of-war camp Stalag 13 during WWII. Colonel Klink was awarded the Citation of Merit-Second Class in 1944.

Although Klink had no connection to the concentration camps, nor does it appear to modern historians that he was guilty of any war crimes, he was among the defendants tried at Nuremberg after the end of the war. It is believed that his frequent-- and totally groundless-- boasting about his closeness and importance to the late dictator Adolf Hitler was taken seriously by Allied investigators who ordered his arrest.

Klink, like many officers in the German military, was never a member of the Nazi party. Nevertheless, he was tried for war crimes along with the high-ranking Nazi defendants. Klink was found guilty on October 1, 1946, on a four-count indictment: Conspiracy to commit crimes alleged in other accounts, Crimes against Peace, War Crimes, and Crimes against Humanity.

Sergeant Johann Schultz (pictured left), who served under Klink at Stalag 13, was compelled to testify at the trial. The Sergeant, who went into diabetic shock several times during the proceedings, claimed under oath that he "knew nothing" of Klink's wartime activities. However, he did recount for the court a number of his former commander's anecdotes and claims regarding his, Klink's, importance and influence among the higher echelons of the Nazi government. Though dismissed by the defense as hearsay, many believe that Schultz's recitation of Klink's grandiose claims tipped the balance among members of the tribunal in favor of a guilty verdict. Until that point, it was agreed among spectators and other trial participants that Klink would receive a lenient sentence, if not outright acquittal.

In the event, Wilhelm Klink was sentenced to death by hanging. His sentence was carried out at Landsberg prison on October 16, 1946.

There has been a great deal of speculation about Klink's enigmatic last words. Witnesses say that the condemned man shouted, in a strident voice, the syllables "Colonel Ho..." just as the trap beneath his feet was sprung.

Though histories of the period are filled with competing theories, we will probably never know the identity of the mysterious Colonel to whom Klink cried out with his last breath.

(Article researched and written by Chuck Miller)

The 31 Days of Halloween Continue...

by Jack Kirby and Dick Ayers
Journey Into Mystery 80
May 1962
From MONSTER BLOG
http://monsterblog.oneroom.org/

THE THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF HALLOWEEN CONTINUE, WITH CRISWELL!

CRISWELL PRESENTS
CRISWELL'S TRILOGY OF TERROR
A CRISWELL PRODUCTION
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY CRISWELL
Original score by CRISWELL
Best Boy Grip: Criswell
A TERRIFYING TRIFECTA OF TOTALLY TRUE TERROR TALES
Special thanks to Criswell


FUCKED UP EVENTS SUCH AS THESE WILL AFFECT YOU IN THE FUCKING FUTURE, BECAUSE IT IS TOO LATE FOR THEM TO AFFECT YOU IN THE PAST, UNLESS THEY ALREADY DID.

"Greetings, bitches! Criswell here. You are interested in this kind of shit, for whatever fucked-up reasons you might have. Perhaps you were molested by your babysitter, or dropped on your head as an infant. Maybe you're just a sick fuck! Now, sit back and digest this terrifying TRUE tale I like to call, "Man Masturbates In Bed, Bath and Beyond Parking Lot, Woman Sees"

October 01, 2009 6:08 PM Angel McCurdy Daily News

DESTIN — A man was observed masturbating in the drivers side seat of his vehicle in the parking lot of Bed, Bath and Beyond on East Commons Drive.

The woman told deputies that she was exiting Bed, Bath and Beyond when she saw a sedan next to her car with its engine running, but was unable to see anyone inside, according to an Okaloosa County Sheriff’s report.

As she walked between the two cars she saw a man masturbating in the front seat, and according to the report, “she did see the unknown subject’s sexual organs and she was offended by what she saw.”

Deputies found the 21-year-old man by running the license plate number provided by the woman. He admitted to deputies that he was the person masturbating in the Bed, Bath and Beyond parking lot and admitted that this was the second time he was caught.

The man was arrested for misdemeanor indecent exposure.

"Sweet Gene Vincent! I don't know about you, but that chiller shriveled my scrotum like Texas roadkill in December! Or its counterpart. Well, no sense crying over spilled milk. At least, I hope that's milk. Grab a glass to help you wash down this next gonad gripper that we could only call, 'Naked and Covered in Feces, Man Jumps Into Neighbor's Pool.'"

September 30, 2009 3:53 PM

The Associated Press

STUART - A Florida man is facing charges after authorities say he was naked and covered in feces when he broke into a resident's back yard and jumped into the pool.

A Martin County Sheriff's Office report shows 21-year-old Robert Stark Higgins was charged with burglary to an occupied dwelling, disorderly conduct and misdemeanor theft.

The resident told deputies he heard Higgins crash through the screen of his pool and take a splash Saturday night. Authorities say Higgins took a towel and fled. Deputies used a K-9 to track Higgins to a home. Higgins told deputies he had been drinking.

He was being held at the Martin County Jail on $10,500 bail. Jail officials said he did not immediately have an attorney.

"Holy Mexican hairless with bad diarrhea let loose at a Star Trek convention! That's enough of a fright to make you cut off your own private parts, seal them in a box, and mail them to your congressman! Oh, but my friends, I have saved the best for last. If you have not yet dropped dead of fright, call your lawyer and make out your will before you dare to read the horrifying TRUE facts behind the blood-drenched, urine-spattered, dung-encrusted abomination that goes by the name of 'Man Blames Cousin, His Friend 'AJ' For Gas Drive-Off.' Don't say I didn't warn you..."

September 19, 2009 5:36 AM

Del Stone Jr.

Daily News

FORT WALTON BEACH — A man wearing a blue and white-striped Polo shirt pulled into the Tom Thumb store on Eglin Parkway to buy gas.

The date was Sept. 2.

A store clerk was in the gas pump area picking up trash as the man finished pumping 8.665 gallons of regular unleaded, valued at $21.39, into his red Dodge and started to get into the car.

The clerk asked the man if he were going to pull into a parking spot in front of the store to pay for the gas.

The man said “Yes.”

The man in fact did pull into a parking spot in front of the store. But when the clerk turned away, so did the man.

In police scanner parlance it’s called a “gas drive-off.”

Later that day, a deputy with the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office tracked down the owner of the red Dodge, a woman, who just happened to be in the car with the suspected gaslifter.

The woman told the deputy the man had been wearing a blue and white-striped Polo shirt earlier in the day when he’d picked her up for lunch, but in a written statement she changed her story, claiming the man wasn’t wearing a shirt at all when he picked her up.

A blue and white-striped Polo shirt was in the back seat of the woman’s car.

As the deputy talked to the man and woman, the man said his cousin had borrowed the woman’s car earlier that day and had driven off from a gas station without paying for the gas.

Later, the man changed his story again, claiming a friend he knew only as “AJ” had borrowed the car, gassed it up, then drove off without paying.

Meanwhile the manager of the Tom Thumb store told lawmen the man in the blue and white-striped Polo shirt had come back about two hours later offering to pay for the gas. The manager said no, the store would prosecute. The man repeated the story he’d told the deputy. The manager said the store would still prosecute.

Finally, the man in the blue and white-striped Polo shirt admitted it was he who had stolen the gas. His excuse? He’d forgotten his wallet. He’ll see a judge Oct. 13.

"Oh, the horror! The god damn fucking horror! I can't feel my toes! H.P. Lovecraft, in his wildest, most demented nightmares of sex with Phyllis Diller, could not have concocted three more stupefying sagas of king-shit fist-fucking FEAR. And the swift kick in the nuts is that they are ALL 100 PERCENT TOTALLY TRUE AS FUCK! I predict that these chillers will have you fondling your tender parts long after I am dead and gone."

THE THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF HALLOWEEN CONTINUE, WITH CRISWELL!

TOTALLY 100 PERCENT TRUE FUCKED-UP SHIT! HOSTILE MOTHERFUCKERS FROM OUTER SPACE! CAN YOUR HEART STAND THE STRAIN OF THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED ON THAT FATEFUL DAY?

"I AM FUCKING CRISWELL, MAN, AND I PREDICT YOU WILL SHIT YOUR PANTS WHEN YOU LEARN THE TRUE FACTS BEHIND THIS FREAKY ASS SHIT!"

THE HOPKINSVILLE ALIEN INVASION OF 1955
BY BJ Booth
UFO Casebook
http/www.ufocasebook.com/Kelly-Hopkinsville.html

(BY BJ BOOTH, UFO CASEBOOK) Possibly an allusion to Ireland's leprechauns could account for the derisive term of "little green men," in referring to aliens. Whatever the source, the question arises, "Has anyone actually seen a little green man?" Well, some people believe so! Of the many cases of alien encounters, one of the most bizarre is the Kelly-Hopkinsville account of a terrifying night of "little green men." This most unusual event originated on the night of August 21, 1955. Located in the rural area of Christian County, Kentucky, this UFO enigma took place in the little town of Kelly, located near the small city of Hopkinsville. The family Sutton would be the target of this "one of a kind" journey into the unknown.

The lifestyle of a typical Kentucky rural family has been kept intact for many decades, and the Sutton family fit this tradition to a tee. "Lucky" Sutton, as he was he was known to friends and neighbors, was the "patriarch" of this bluegrass clan. Visiting Lucky and his family was a man from Pennsylvania named Billy Ray Taylor. Billy left the Sutton house to go for some water from the family well. There was no inside plumbing at the Sutton farm house. At the well, he saw an immense, shining object land in a small gully about a quarter of a mile away. Running back to the house, he excitedly reported his sighting to others in the house. Billy was laughed at; no one believed his "crazy" tale.

After a short period of time, the family dog began to raise a ruckus outside. As was the custom in those parts, Lucky and Billy grabbed their guns and headed outside, planning to shoot first, and ask questions later. Only a short distance from the front door, both men were stopped dead in their tracks by the sight of a 3-4 foot tall creature, who was walking towards them with hands up, as if to surrender.

This most bizarre creature would be described as having "large eyes, a long thin mouth, large ears, thin short legs, and hands ending in claws." Frightened by the small greenish entity, Billy Ray fired a shot with his .22, and Lucky unloaded with his shotgun. Both men later admitted that there was no way they missed the creature at close range, but the little being just did a back flip, and ran into the woods in fright.

No sooner had the two men reentered the house before the creature, or another like it, appeared at a window. They took a shot at him, leaving a blast hole through the screen. They ran back outside to see if the creature was dead, but found no trace of it. Standing at the front of the house, the men were terrified by a clawed hand reaching down from the roof in an attempt to touch them. Again, they shot, but the being simply floated to the ground, and scurried into the cover of the woods.The two men sought the protection of the house again, only to find themselves under siege from these little men. For a time, the entities seemed to tease the family, appearing from one window to another. Taking pot shots through the windows and walls, their weapons seemed totally ineffective against the invading creatures.

After several hours of fear, the Sutton family decided to make a break from the house, and get help at the Police station at Hopkinsville. Family members took two vehicles to the Police Station in Hopkinsville, and reported their strange tale to Sheriff Russell Greenwell. Finally persuading the policemen that they were not joking, the authorities agreed to visit the Sutton house.

Arriving at the farm, police found no trace of the creatures, but did find numerous bullet and rifle holes in the windows and walls. Greenwell was in charge of the twenty plus officers at the scene, and reported that the Suttons seemed sober, and were genuinely frightened by something. After a canvas of the neighbors, reports were entered of the "hearing of shots being fired," and the observation of "lights in the sky."

Exhausting all efforts to find the origin of this strange report, the police left the Sutton place at about 2:15 am. As soon as they did, the creatures made their return. They began again peeking in the windows, seemingly out of curiosity. More gunfire took place, but again without effect. Several more hours of antics followed, finally stopping just before daybreak. The police were finally persuaded to call in Air Force personnel the next morning, but a new search brought no results. After the beings had left, Billy Ray and Lucky had gone into Evansville, Indiana to take care of some business. The other five family members were questioned by Air Force and Police.

On 8/22/55, the Kentucky "New Era" newspaper carried the story of the events. Naturally, initial public opinion was that the whole story was a hoax. If this was the case, several questions must be answered. Why would the Sutton family make up such an incredible claim? They made no money from the story, and did not seek any publicity. Why would they shoot holes in the walls of their home, causing a financial drain on the family.

Including Billy Ray and Lucky, seven adults were witnesses to these events. All of them, when questioned separately, gave the same story. Also sketches were made of the beings, and they depicted the creatures in a like manner. A year after the events, the case was thoroughly investigated by Isabel Davis, who related that the witnesses' stories had not changed. As the years rolled by, the accounts of the Sutton family stood firm. No evidence of a hoax has ever been brought forward. The case was also looked into by Bud Ledwith, who was an engineer at a Hopkinsville radio station. Noted investigator, Dr. J. Allen Hynek, also accepted the accounts of the Suttons. Hynek discussed the details of the case with Davis and Ledwith. Although the Kelly-Hopkinsville case is an extremely unusual one, it is considered today to be authentic by many UFO investigators.

(Above) Elmer "Lucky" Sutton, raconteur extraordinaire

"HOLY JEEZUZ FUCK, MY NIGGAS! WAS THAT NOT SOME OF THE MOST TERRIFYING, FUCKED UPPEDEST SHIT YOU EVER HEARD? DID IT TERRIFY YOU? DID IT MAKE YOU QUIVER? DID YOU SAY TO YOURSELF, 'MAN, I'D REALLY LIKE TO FUCK ONE OF THOSE GODDAMN SPACE CREATURES?' WELL, MAYBE THAT WAS JUST ME...WHAT THE FUCK EVAH. BE SURE AND CHECK BACK TOMORROW FOR MORE UN-BE-FUCKING-LEIVABLE KING HELL BITCH-SLAP SHIT. YOU ARE INTERESTED IN SHIT, FOR THAT IS WHERE YOU AND I WILL SPEND THE REST OF OUR FUCKING LIVES!"